Some people matter, and some don't.

It's my senior year, a year to just be who you want to be. Laugh till you cry, scream like hell and love like crazy. You never know who will walk into your life and who will walk out of your life. You just have to cherish those moments where life is great and the bad ones, they are going to happen. Truth is; everyone if going to hurt you, there isn't a thing you can do about it. You just have to figure out who is worth suffering for.

After I got my heart broken by two people that I trusted more then anything in the world, not only with my heart, but my friendship. One has been one of my "best friends" since the summer of first grade. The other just came into my life on accident. To be stabbed in the back would be an understatement. Strangers stab you in the front. Friends stab you in the back. Boys stab you in the heart. Thank god best friends only poke you with straws.

So having your "friend" stab you in the back maybe hard, but eventually you learn to let go. You learn that as you get older you realize who really matters, who NEVER will, and who always has. Just because you get hurt doesn't mean you should become a slut or not let anyone in ever again. It means you just have to work that much harder to be the better person and above all forgive and forget. Learn that the people that truly matter in life, they want you to be happy, they support you. They wont stab you in the back. They may poke you with straws.

Where I am going with this is. Just because I was hurt, I didn't want to look at anyone, I didn't want to get hurt again, I just wanted to guard my heart. The only way I thought I could be able to do this, is if I cut off everybody. Not let anyone else in, but then I did. I forgave them and I forgot them. Doing this, I finally smiled again, not just a fake smile that you give to make people happy. A real smile. I realized that I am a senior in high school. I don't need to find anyone for the rest of my life. I just need to live in the now. I need to be free to do things I want to accomplish while in high school. I need to just be me. I don't need someone dragging me down with them because they aren't happy with life. Even if that means losing someone or two that you cared about. Life doesn't get easier, but I got smarter and I learned that if I put my mind to something, no matter what it is. I will succeed. I can do anything this year, that I want. I don't have anyone to wait around for. You can either care about me or not. I am learning that true friends and true people, will back you up, even when your wrong. They are the kind of people I want in my life.

There is no room for fake people in my life anymore. <3

Senior Pictures Scare

We all can't wait to get our senior pictures done, but for me there was so much planning going into this day. The last pictures that will really matter for school. The pictures that I will be handing out to everyone, before I walk across that stage for graduation. It was just a HUGE day for me over all.

The night before my pictures, I was stressing and I hadn't picked out anything to wear. I went into my older sisters room and told her I needed her help or I was going to keep stressing. She helped me pick out cloths to wear and what should go with what. For some reason I had in my mind that they were all going to be horrible and I was going to have a pimple pop up tomorrow morning. Which would have made me stress out even more. Preparing for them, I took like three showers the night before, I washed my face twice, and shaved my legs. I made sure everything was ready for the next day.

When we arrived to Dallas Center (where I had them taken) I saw the studio and started freaking out again. I had butterflies and I couldn't make them go away. As my mom, Carolyn, and I walked into the studio, I knew I was ready for them. Something clicked and I knew I would hate some and some I would just love.

Tony (the guy that took the pictures) was making me laugh because he would make fun of me. He always tried to get me sticking my tongue out at my sister, or me making a funny face. When we went outside for those pictures I was all happy and cheerful. I asked if there was a park around there because I wanted to play on the play ground. He told me no (me not understanding jokes) I thought he was serious. He just looked at me when I was frowning and said he was joking. So, my happy mood was back! When we got finished with all of the pictures he told me that right when I walked in the door he knew there would be so much energy, and that he was glad he canceled his other appoint for the day. Tony got my proofs back to me with in about an hour! It was fast and I loved them. So, getting all scared and thinking they were going to look bad, got me thinking. Don't expect the worse, just pray for the best, and if anyone wants a perfect girl, they can just go buy a barbie, because I am far from perfect. I stress about a lot of things, and I kind of like it that way.

There is a song for every mood.

I think that for every song there is a picture for and for every picture there is a song. Whatever you're feeling, you know that you can always go back to that one song. If it's a love song, hate song, anything. Music, is the key to how we get by. So only your true best friends will know the lyrics to your hear, and when you forget them, they might just have to sing them back to you.