Baby Zoey Rae

When I first heard about a star even for FCCLA I didn't have any clue on what I should do. Then I got to thinking and everyone always talks about the show teen mom. So I decided to become a "teen mom." I talked to my FCS teacher and got one of the babies. Zoey Rae Shiner is her name. As this project may have started out rocky because I had the sincer for baby #8 and I have baby #5. This made it hard to make her be quiet when she cried. Last night was my first night with her and she cried 78 mins. Not straight. What I want to get out of this project is how to learn to be a good mom and how much it will effect my life if I had a baby at this age.

You can get so much from this project, why you shouldn't have a baby so young, how much it will cost you to have a baby, and how much time you need to spent with your new baby. Me being in high school, have a job and want to go to basketball games, I have a lot on my plate. I am not in this alone. My best friends Abbi and Kaitlyn will be helping me and my mom will also be helping. She doesn't believe she's a grandma now, but she is.

Last night 11/11/10 was my first night with Zoey. I expected the worst and hoped for the best. Abbi was watching her while I was at work, and right as I left she started crying, I called Abbi about 3 times while she was with my baby. It is kinda weird. I am so used to having her, not having her made me miss her. She cried when I got home while my mom was watching her, again right as I left her. Its like she knows when I leave. After that she only cried 3 times. One at 11:30pm, 3:00am and 6:30. She didn't have to do much at 3am, but Mrs. Callahan said I wouldn't get much sleep, but I got more then enough. She is so good, and I think by the end of this, I will not want to turn her in, and I love kids, so I can't wait to have my own. <3

Some people matter, and some don't.

It's my senior year, a year to just be who you want to be. Laugh till you cry, scream like hell and love like crazy. You never know who will walk into your life and who will walk out of your life. You just have to cherish those moments where life is great and the bad ones, they are going to happen. Truth is; everyone if going to hurt you, there isn't a thing you can do about it. You just have to figure out who is worth suffering for.

After I got my heart broken by two people that I trusted more then anything in the world, not only with my heart, but my friendship. One has been one of my "best friends" since the summer of first grade. The other just came into my life on accident. To be stabbed in the back would be an understatement. Strangers stab you in the front. Friends stab you in the back. Boys stab you in the heart. Thank god best friends only poke you with straws.

So having your "friend" stab you in the back maybe hard, but eventually you learn to let go. You learn that as you get older you realize who really matters, who NEVER will, and who always has. Just because you get hurt doesn't mean you should become a slut or not let anyone in ever again. It means you just have to work that much harder to be the better person and above all forgive and forget. Learn that the people that truly matter in life, they want you to be happy, they support you. They wont stab you in the back. They may poke you with straws.

Where I am going with this is. Just because I was hurt, I didn't want to look at anyone, I didn't want to get hurt again, I just wanted to guard my heart. The only way I thought I could be able to do this, is if I cut off everybody. Not let anyone else in, but then I did. I forgave them and I forgot them. Doing this, I finally smiled again, not just a fake smile that you give to make people happy. A real smile. I realized that I am a senior in high school. I don't need to find anyone for the rest of my life. I just need to live in the now. I need to be free to do things I want to accomplish while in high school. I need to just be me. I don't need someone dragging me down with them because they aren't happy with life. Even if that means losing someone or two that you cared about. Life doesn't get easier, but I got smarter and I learned that if I put my mind to something, no matter what it is. I will succeed. I can do anything this year, that I want. I don't have anyone to wait around for. You can either care about me or not. I am learning that true friends and true people, will back you up, even when your wrong. They are the kind of people I want in my life.

There is no room for fake people in my life anymore. <3

Senior Pictures Scare

We all can't wait to get our senior pictures done, but for me there was so much planning going into this day. The last pictures that will really matter for school. The pictures that I will be handing out to everyone, before I walk across that stage for graduation. It was just a HUGE day for me over all.

The night before my pictures, I was stressing and I hadn't picked out anything to wear. I went into my older sisters room and told her I needed her help or I was going to keep stressing. She helped me pick out cloths to wear and what should go with what. For some reason I had in my mind that they were all going to be horrible and I was going to have a pimple pop up tomorrow morning. Which would have made me stress out even more. Preparing for them, I took like three showers the night before, I washed my face twice, and shaved my legs. I made sure everything was ready for the next day.

When we arrived to Dallas Center (where I had them taken) I saw the studio and started freaking out again. I had butterflies and I couldn't make them go away. As my mom, Carolyn, and I walked into the studio, I knew I was ready for them. Something clicked and I knew I would hate some and some I would just love.

Tony (the guy that took the pictures) was making me laugh because he would make fun of me. He always tried to get me sticking my tongue out at my sister, or me making a funny face. When we went outside for those pictures I was all happy and cheerful. I asked if there was a park around there because I wanted to play on the play ground. He told me no (me not understanding jokes) I thought he was serious. He just looked at me when I was frowning and said he was joking. So, my happy mood was back! When we got finished with all of the pictures he told me that right when I walked in the door he knew there would be so much energy, and that he was glad he canceled his other appoint for the day. Tony got my proofs back to me with in about an hour! It was fast and I loved them. So, getting all scared and thinking they were going to look bad, got me thinking. Don't expect the worse, just pray for the best, and if anyone wants a perfect girl, they can just go buy a barbie, because I am far from perfect. I stress about a lot of things, and I kind of like it that way.

There is a song for every mood.

I think that for every song there is a picture for and for every picture there is a song. Whatever you're feeling, you know that you can always go back to that one song. If it's a love song, hate song, anything. Music, is the key to how we get by. So only your true best friends will know the lyrics to your hear, and when you forget them, they might just have to sing them back to you.

Have you ever had a heart beak...

Every girl can agree with me that when you fall for someone, you want her to catch you. What happens when they don't? What happens when they just let you fall? You end up with a broken heart. They all hurt just the same, just people deal with them differently. When you are hurt by one you care about, even if they don't know it yet.

Every girl has had their heart broken at least once or twice, by the people that put it back together again. Every time I seem to let someone in, all it does is backfire in my face. Who knows why I keep doing it? I should know, but I don't. No matter how hard I try to put up every guard up, they all seem to break down when I think I might have found a nice guy. It somehow always blowing up in my face and they becomes a dick. No matter how hard I seem to try. Nothing works, getting that person that broke your heart out of your head. You think about it all the time. What if things were different? Why did this happen?

You can’t change people’s minds. You can’t make someone care about you. As a girl, you just have to hope and pray that one day you will find the right guy, and that he won't let you go for the world. Every girl in my opinion deserves a guy that would hold her when she's crying, love her when she's angry, and kiss her when she needs to just be reminded that your always there for her when she needs you. Through it all, that mean's everything guy's. True love won't ever give you a heart break, so when your heart stops breaking, and its because of a boy, don't let him out of your site, don't let anything or anyone come between you and that boy.

I believe there is such thing as true love and love at first site. Even, if you don't. It took two weeks together, that’s it, two weeks for me to care about you. Now, you may have hurt me, so I know two things. One you aren't the prince to stop the hurt, and two you’re too much of a coward to be a man and tell someone how you really feel. Either way, guys will hurt you. It's what you do with that pain that really matters. Revenge is sweet, but finding someone else, might be sweeter.

Everyone will get a broken heart. Some may come more then others, but the right person, won't ever make you cry twice over something that they have done. If they do, then maybe they aren't the right person for you. I strongly believe that there is a person out there for every girl and every guy. It's just finding that person is the hard part. You may have to kiss a few frogs, before you find your prince. In the end, finding the one. Will be worth it.

My best friend knows..

My best friend and I are like barbies, but unlike normal barbies, we aren't sold with out one another. Through the thick and the thin, I have always had her and would be so lost with out her. I'm proud to call my best friend Abbigale H.
99% of the time. I honestly don't know what I would do with out her. Shes always there when I need her most. A little birdie once told her that to make my stop crying "just hold her and don't let do, even if she pushes away, keep holding her." So the night that Alex left for his deployment she did just that. She also reminded me that it's only 400 days. She has always been my "go to girl" when times are rough. When I need a sister, I look across the street.
Her and her family treat me like their own. Come over whenever. Call her mom, mom. No matter what, this blonde and Burnett have am inseparable bond. No boy, or girl could beat us down to where we would be sold separately. I can kid any boy, but when I say I'm fine to her, she knows that I am lying, and she knows my hearts in deploying training, making sure my heart is prepared for the one it likes to leave. I love my girl to death and will always be hoes/bros.

New year, New me.

People from dusk till done have been asking all of us, "What do you want to do with your life after high school, or for that matter, while your still in high school?" Life has always had its up's and its down's while in this place, but no matter what happened I knew I would have my friends to back me up. When I had a problem, I knew that they would be there. Out in this "real world," it won’t be the same. I won’t be able to run to them when a boy hurts me, I fall down, or I just need a hug.

So what I want to do this year is re-find myself. I haven't had two weeks to myself since I can remember and really deal with who I want to be. I know that I want to be a writer, but what else do I really want out of life, or out of the next 400 days for that matter? I want to be me and not have to worry about hurting someone else's feelings for doing so. I want to find who I really am. I know who I am, in a way, but not who I can be. "Who you are today effects tomorrow" says my dad. He's right. What choices we make down to what shoes we wear that day? Everything will come back and will either make you or break you.

So, this life that everyone wants to have, and only some get. We shouldn't be taking it for granted. We should be thankful that we even have one. I think that this year alone. I want to find who I really can be, from who I am. Be myself and not have to worry. That's all everyone ever does. Worry. For what? All it does is stress us out and make us break out. So, this next year and the rest of my life, can come full on, if I'm ready or not. I only get one life to live. So, I'm ready to do it right.